Fully Alive

In the deep silence of my inner room, I find the corners of old storage and the big windows of endless possibility. I can look through the window out into the world and see all that is there for me to experience, and I feel a thrill a joy and a force which propels me towards the door as it whispers: ‘Go. Make a path. Find a new way.’ I turn and I start to walk, and in that instance I see the corner of failure, one space with the record of regret. I see the familiar pictures and sense the familiar sadness, and I stop for a moment. Just long enough to let their cool, dark energy seep into me and find their way into my mind. 

    ‘No’, my inner critic says, ‘you cannot do that. It is too dangerous, too scary, and you will fail.’ I can feel one of my knees bend and lead the way to the floor, as I realize that indeed, my past is too heavy, I have certainly learned too much to be able to do this new thing and love it so much that all fear will carry me through that door. I feel my second knee waver, I feel the painful places where I hold my disappointments and regrets. 

    With an instance of remembering, I jump up and realize: THAT is not who I am. That is what I have experienced, yet it is not me.  I am so much more. I am that open field of possibility. I am that strong voice within saying: you love it, so step towards it. I am that loving heart that loves myself enough to let it go. With all my strength I move my feet forward, one step at a time, and walk right passed my corners of grief into the light. My legs now can carry me anywhere, and I know that I am fully alive.